I have a headache.
I am tired.
I have also been thinkinnnnnnnngg.
Well attempting to think that is.
Trying to figure things out.
Get back on track with my happiness.
I have felt depressed the last couple of weeks.
Which, for me, is w.e.i.r.d.
I love my friends.
Things in my life get complicated.
I go here.
I go there.
But wherever I am, I know that those two girls would always have my back.
That they would always do anything to put a smile across my face.
I cry.
I frown.
I don't like being here,
but when I'm away I miss it so dearly.
Am I crazy? Maybe so.
Who's to judge anyway.
I miss him.
To the point where it's unhealthy.
I miss you so much, babe, that I just want to lay in my bed all the time and watch movies and pretend that you're there. Cuddled up right behind me. Holding me so close. Like everything in this world doesn't matter. Like nothing is ever really that bad, as long as I have you. Like nothing can touch me. Like nothing can touch us. I lay here and I pretend. But you're not here. you're not here to hold me. I don't know that nothing can touch us. I don't know that I'm safe. This isn't healthy.
But I am scared. I am afriad that if I let go a little bit and allow myself to breath without you, that you'll fall away.
That what I feel for you will slip.
I am afriad that then this won't feel real.
That I will let go too much.
I want you to stay.
I miss you.
I want you.
I need you here with me.
My chest is heavy without you around.
Every breath I take is hard.
Takes so much effort.
Why do I do this?
Why am I here?
I need you.
Sometimes my mind gets the best of me.
I get scared that I can't last.
That one day I am just not going to be strong enough.
Strong enough to be a soldier's girlfriend.
Strong enough for this distance between us.
Strong enough to let my heart beat without you.
I need to stand back up.
But I just want to lay here.
Watching movies.
Pretending like you're right here with me.