Nonsense

Is it wierd that I feel like I need this keyboard right now for my sanity? Is it wierd that if I couldn't get this all out on paper (or a blog:)) that I'd lose my mind? I don't really care. This is me expressing my emotions right now. Uncensored, because that's how I fuckin roll.

"If I get it all down on paper then it's no longer inside of me threatening the life it belongs to."

SOOOO... You don't know how I feel about you. I make you feel like shit. And I feel like I do SO much wrong. Hm. Where do we go from here? I feel like I can't say anything because I never know how it's going to make you feel or if you're going to get mad at me. I feel like I have been working on so much, and am doing so well, but nothing is ever good enough for you. It's almost like you want me to be a perfect being. Someone that says things perfectly. Feels perfectly. Thinks perfectly. I just want to be me.
I think that we could work out. But we have so much to work on. And I'm not even sure if you're going to stick around. I'm honestly not sure. All that's happened this last few months can't just vanish from my mind. It can't just go away. This is how I feel. This is how I think. It's going to take awhile. And I will never be perfect, do things perfectly, or say things perfectly.
When I weigh the pros and cons I feel like this relationship is worth it, but I don't know that you feel the same way. I have felt different for so long.
It doesn't help that we're not together. That we never get to see each other. That we never really get to bond. I want to move down there. I really, truly, fully-heartedly want to move down there and be with you. I wonder if you feel the same way? If you want it as bad as I do?
This long distance thing isn't real. This isn't how things are or would be. Being a 1,000 miles apart ALL the time isn't realistic.

My mind is spinning. My thoughts are gumbled. This blog doesn't even make any sense so I'm stopping.